The Craziest Dreams!!

Okay, I'll try to keep this brief. Last night I had the craziest dreams!! I dreamt that my mother was shot in the head through our window with a shotgun by my cousins, and out of my stupidity I was next. Then I woke up. Next up in my dreams was getting baptized in a mud bath (it symbolized that I didn't have to be "clean" and have my life together, but that Jesus would help me do that daily). My young adult group leaders at church had filmed the entire event and really encouraged me and I cried. It was actually a beautiful dream. Then my final dream of the night, I was mad at myself because I ate pizza (like 3 pieces) and Reese pieces and ruined my 21 day clutch cut diet. I guess I am craving things in my subconscious mind! Don't worry, my mom hasn't died. I did call her at 3AM my time 6AM hers to wake her up and make sure she was alive. & I didn't break diet. I'm going strong with the help of the Lord!

What's your favorite way to worship?

Mine? I enjoy reflecting on music lyrics while riding in the car or going on a walk with my dog and admiring God's creations. Something about the lyrics of songs just get me. They're like unspoken words or thoughts that describe the trials and moments I'm going through. They give me peace and sometimes chills. When I get the chills I like to think its God's way of holding me and letting me know that He is there. Why? Because it doesn't happen to just any song. I don't just get goosebumps each time I listen to a song. I don't break down and cry on every song either. Sometimes though, the music just hits me. The words just slam into me like a brick wall and my body reacts with goosebumps. I'm moved from my inner core, and I know that the words the song is stating are true. I know that my God is trying to tell me a message through the worship song, and that is the way that I feel that I can connect the most with God.

Brought to my knees

There is nothing, besides death, that can bring me to my knees faster than my car having to be repaired. Financially it's a huge burden on my wallet, and spikes my anxiety levels to an all-time high.

I do not trust mechanics for the simple fact that 1. I feel that they make up things that I need to have replaced and/or 2. They tell me that my car is fine and I am not convinced it is. I'm also crippled by the fear that I am driving a death trap to not only myself but others. Drivers, cyclists, joggers -- you name it! I'm scared that my car (even if it were brand new) is going to lose a tire and cause me to lose control and hurt others. 

Is this realistic? Not really, but I have severe anxiety over the unknown. Each time I take my hunk of junk car to the shop for a multiple hundred dollar repair I come out of the shop and cry in the confines of my room. I don't want a car payment, but I don't want an unreliable car. Each time I continue to give the situation to God and believe He is protecting me everywhere -- especially in my car. My first priority is to pay off my student loans. Then, I'll consider getting a car. 

Today's song on repeat for comfort: Danny Gokey's Hope in Front of Me.