My move and decision to go to Vegas.

If you've never listened to the song above, please, do me a favor and listen to it. Just once.

This song has been playing on my heart for a few weeks now. I heard it months back, but its been in my head and the lyrics are reaching out to me. It is where I hear God saying to me, "This is what I ask of you. Find me. Search for me."

I have been searching for my place in this world for years. I'm still finding who it is and where I am supposed to be, but I've never been any closer than this last 9 months has taken me. I graduated college with a strong desire to move out of Pennsylvania. I wanted to move out west for what I felt was my calling. I felt God telling me that my place is not in my hometown where I was born and raised, and I didn't want to move south. I'd never been further west than Alabama, but the Lord placed this desire on my heart.

I waited a painful, soul-searching year in Pennsylvania where I was questioning my own existence. Why did I go to school for education? Why didn't I have enough money to just leave and go do everything I wanted to do? Was it worth all the hours I was working? Could I ever leave the town that seemed to be dragging me down? Where am I going to go? How many jobs do I have to apply for before I even get a call back? Why was no one willing to interview with me if I were such a great student? What was my life purpose? Why did I have this crazy desire to move so far away when I knew no one would ever venture with me? Why am I being called to go somewhere that scares me more than staying in my "safety net"? 

Every thought I had was self-doubt. I was letting the devil dictate my soul, but I spent months just going to church, praying, and SOAPing as Tri-County Church of God called it. When I was really discouraged, I spent time reading over my SOAPs (Scripture read, observation of reading, application for my life, and prayer) and noticed that I was continually getting my prayers answered. My overall peace was greater than my fears because I knew that with God leading me I would never be let down or alone. 

Las Vegas schools got ahold of my application, and it was west. I was taking interviews (two of them). I felt the first went really well, but I never head back for 3 weeks (after I had already accepted my current job). The other interview, that I thought went horribly, resulted in a call back several hours later with an offer. Before each interview I remember praying simply, "Lord, if this is where you want me to go open the door. Give me the job, and I will go." He did. I cowered in fear. Plagued by the sheer expense of the move. I spent a week wrestling finances. A week later, I called my boss and said, "I can't afford the move."

That night I spent crying in my room after going Incredible Hulk on it. I was tearing my furniture around trying to remove the foul smell of pee from my dog convienantly releaving herself under my bed. My mom entered my room to see it torn apart with me facing the wall while sitting on the bed just sobbing. (I'm tearing up remembering how I felt.) She asked if I was okay, and I was screaming that I was worthless and no one would ever want to have me as their teacher. I was going to work as a substitute teacher forever with a minimum wage job at Kmart putting in 60+ hours a week and living at home. I was so angry with God that night for offering me a job in the place where I felt called, but couldn't financially afford it after spending a year of saving. 

Luckily, God wouldn't let me slam the door I prayed for him to open. He was patient, and He was working FOR me behind the scenes. My boss wasn't ready to let me go. He was going to fight for me. I was coming to Vegas one way or the other. That is truly where I placed my faith into God. I saw that no matter how many times I told Him I wasn't able to go He was telling me, "Child, trust in me." 

I spent almost every dime I owned moving out here. I packed everything tightly into my station wagon, and if it didn't fit it wasn't coming. On the way out here my car axles broke. I had to make my first ever dip into my Dave Ramsey Emergency fund. I was so scared. I wouldn't get paid for 5 weeks out here and I was broker than broke upon arrival. 

I tried a few churches, and the first Sunday I spent at Canyon Ridge because that's where my hometown pastor recommended. It was a really nice service, and as soon as the music started playing I started crying. My mom had left a few days prior to church and I was so incredibly lonely. I powered through, and these last 9 months have been trying but incredible. I know that this is where God is calling me. My feet almost failed, but I trusted in Him to carry me. I'm not certain that I'm in the current position that I will be forever. I feel God leading me in a direction that is not exactly the path I'm on, but similar. Its baby steps. 

He called me out upon these waters where I had no one but Him to lean on. My feet almost failed but I called upon him in my mystery. My faith is standing -- stronger than ever. I'm keeping my eyes above all the trials sent my way. I'm comforted in my Savior's promise to love and protect me. I am His. He is mine.

"You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown, where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine"

Oceans By: Hillsong United